This message is everywhere in our culture and we are evolutionary and biologically hardwired to escape fear and pain. This can work quite well at times and in many ways, leading to great advancement in our culture and society, the development and proliferation of medications, vaccines, and cures for major illnesses. Seeking relief from pain and suffering is natural, ubiquitous, a part of human nature, and likely brought you to this website, and it certainly is possible. Read on....
"It works, except when it doesn't." (a counter-intuitive approach)
As with most things, the "seek pleasure, avoid pain," mode of responding to distress is not going to be universally effective. There are some situations in which this kind of approach might not work well. These include circumstances in which pain cannot actually be avoided (e.g., death of a loved one, traumatic experiences and memories, fractured relationships) or when painful experiences come from inside our skin (i.e., anxiety, sadness). This kind of misapplied effort to get rid of these kinds of pain is natural and logical; however, we can quickly find ourselves in a futile battle that we can't win, losing track of the most important aspects of life (life becomes about avoiding rather than living), the side effect of which becomes a subtle message we send ourselves again and again that "there's something wrong with me." You may at times have felt like you were in an unwinnable game of a tug of war with your own pain and suffering....
Human suffering is ubiquitous and unavoidable; but there is hope in that we are also capable of alleviating our suffering. Suffering can certainly be relieved, but perhaps not in the ways you initially might think.
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." Helen Keller
Research shows that third-wave behavioral psychotherapies, such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, that focus on changing our relationship to pain and suffering (rather than the eradication of it) are extremely effective for reducing distress and symptoms associated with anxiety disorders, depression, chronic pain, and even psychosis. These approaches involve both acceptance and de-fusion from internal painful material (thus reducing its potency and power over our lives) as well as creating patterns of behavior that result in more meaningful and rewarding engagement in valued life directions. Kindness and compassion are cultivated to combat the hard-wired tendencies we have to fight or flee from pain and mindfulness practice helps to counteract the tendency of the mind to remain stuck in the past or the hypothetical future. I will help you "drop the rope" in this tug of war and do something else, something that's more about the kind of person you want to be, instead. What to expect....
I start with clients, by first seeking to understand your circumstances, what is happening for you, what you might have tried to alleviate pain and suffering, and evaluate how well these strategies have worked. Let's hold onto the things that work. Next, I want to learn about your values, what makes life worth living, and what goals we might set in therapy that line up with those values. This kind of assessment will generally last about 2-4 sessions. I encourage clients to develop some kind of mindfulness practice, in order to connect more effectively with values, defuse from habitual and convincing thoughts that may have become problematic, and potentially reduce distress (although this isn't a primary goal). Mindfulness practice could include a daily meditation practice, but doesn't have to, and could also include bringing mindful presence in our sessions and/or bringing mindfulness into daily activities. In order to stay with the inevitable pain of life without ineffectively seeking to avoid it, I assist my clients with developing and deepening self-compassion. Developing self-compassion can be very difficult and counter-intuitive to many of us who may be especially goal-oriented, but I believe it is crucial for generating space to accept all that life has to offer, the joy and the pain. Finally, I seek to assist my clients with committed action, or values-related behaviors that we can start to generate or expand in your life.
Dr. Mann-Wrobel's Training and Experience
I began learning the ACT model while on clinical internship at the Baltimore VA Medical Center. I completed an immersive rotation there in which we provided this mode of therapy to Veterans with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Substance Abuse Disorders in an outpatient setting. I continued training in this approach throughout my internship year and for 2 years of post-doctoral fellowship. I have attended several ACT World Conferences and 2-4 day workshops provided Steven Hayes, Kelly Wilson, and other prominent trainers in the field. Further, I went on to lead and co-facilitate ACT workshop training sessions at the meeting of the Maryland Psychological Association and for providers at the Durham VA Medical Center and West Haven VA Medical Center. I continued practicing and training in ACT throughout all of my positions at the Durham VA Medical Center and also supervised psychology trainees in the model. In my private practice, it is the main therapy I offer to individual psychotherapy clients. I am constantly engaging this method not only in the therapy I provide, but as a learner, continually reading and attending training sessions, as well as applying the model experientially in my own life. I feel this work is never "complete." There are always new ways to investigate how we utilize acceptance in our lives and how we bring mindfulness to our experience with compassion.